Growing and healing intimate connections
Relationships are the most important part of life. They are what define us as human, providing meaning and purpose. How we show up in our relationships identifies us, should stretch us to be our highest selves.
In the journey of intimate relationships, whether romantic, familial, or platonic, connection and understanding are paramount. Healthy bonds bring can bring immense joy and fulfillment, and we grow through meeting love's challenges, and healing its ruptures, daring to be ever closer and more authentically ourselves.
Couples therapy serves as a supportive space to explore and grow, helping partners to strengthen their communication skills, deepen their emotional connection and resolve conflicts.
On this Page:
How do I work? What therapeutic approach and tools?
What kinds of relationships?
In my 35+ years of practice, I have worked with all kinds of relationships. I love love, so whatever genders, numbers, races, cultures, configurations, I'm here for it!
How long will it take?
That's up to you. I'll tell you what I think, but how far you go is your decision. Some couples bring deeper challenges, and more motivation, others are looking for a solution to a single issue. I have a scalable approach (see "tools" section) that allows you to get benefit quickly and stop - or take a break - when you feel satisfied.
We're stuck on Parenting
Yes so are many couples -- a seismic shift happens when the first child arrives, and another occurs when they hit puberty. It's normal, and I can help you keep on track with your parenting coalition
Can you save our relationship?
Truth: Some partners choose to end it, and sometimes that's the right decision. My role is to help you communicate and come to the best possible conclusion together.
Can you help us with, um, sex?
Of course. Sex is an important part of the partnership bond for many. It is possible to recover from ruptures in physical intimacy, and I'm happy to work on that with you. It's normal to need help sometimes.
What about this Ketamine thing?
It's not for everyone. Some partners find that it helps them get "unstuck"', or helps move things faster. We can discuss whether it might be right for you.
TO START:
Expect me to start by listening. I will ask you questions to learn about the challenges and strengths of your relationship, and I'll observe your communication style to assess how to best help you.
MY STYLE
In general, I'll provide lots of interaction, feedback, coaching, and direction. I will not sit silently letting unproductive or damaging interactions proceed. I may have opinions, and may share them with you, but mostly my job is to help you understand each other, and communicate. I'm an open and calm influence with you.
MY APPROACH
I have a scalable approach that will allow you to quickly tune up your communication skills with some basic research-based techniques. Then, if you want to go further, I'll use a combination of Gottman and EFT approaches to further enhance your bond and help your relationship to function better. If you want to go further still, I bring in Gestalt, Existential, Phenomenological, and other approaches -- and for those who are open to it, we can discuss if Psychedelic Assisted Psychotherapy matches your goals and whether you might be a good fit.
Especially at the beginning, I recommend homework.
WHAT WILL IT FEEL LIKE?
Contrary to what you may have seen or experienced, couple therapy/counseling isn't all arguing, crying, and going over old hurts. Often, there's some laughter, appreciation, joy in discovered or rediscovered connection, and realization of your potential. We will look for that together.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
How I think about relationships and work with them includes these ideas:
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The "glue" of relationships isn't the avoidance of hurt or conflict. The glue is in the repairs.
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Sometimes the best thing I can do is let you struggle. But sometimes the best thing I can do is sense what you are having trouble saying and say it for you. (Subject to your agreement.)
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Relational change and growth has three pillars, and all three have to be present: New insight, new behavior, and new experience. I'll be guiding you toward all three.
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Some problems -- usually struggles around parenting, sex, chores, money, and relationships to families of origin are un-fixable. They will keep coming up. The important thing is to not expect those to go away but to be partners in the struggle.
Finally, I'll check in with you periodically to make sure I'm working with you the way you want, and I'll be open to your feedback.
Types of relationships I love to work with
Of course: Love is Love, and I support it all, and am grateful for the honor of being part of so many journeys of discovery, healing, and growth. The following are areas of particular interest, training, experience, and/or expertise
Later in life
As a senior therapist, I welcome couples in midlife and beyond and the special challenges and opportunities this life stage presents.
Relationships navigating life transitions
Going along with my research and development and work with mid-life couples, I have adapted specific tools to help grow together through life's changes
LGBTQIA+
As a proud member of the community, I love to work with LGBTQIA++ relationships.
Bi/Poly/Kink/Courageous Configurations
Complete respect and admiration for those of us blazing our own trails and charting the unknowns
I also work with family estrangement and high conflict situations.
BIPOC and Interracial
As a white presenting mixed race therapist in an interracial relationship, I bring understanding that goes beyond cultural competence
Neuro super-powered
Neuro- and learning-differences present specific challenges -- and strengths. My approach is to help you accept and use your differences.
What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method stands out from other couples therapies because it’s based on over 40 years of scientific research and emphasizes emotional connection, communication, and conflict management using structured tools and strategies.
Research-Backed and Data-Driven - John and Julie Gottman studied thousands of couples in real-life and lab settings, identifying specific behaviors that predict relationship success or failure with over 90% accuracy.- Their “Love Lab” research helped isolate behaviors like criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling as signs of relational distress. Most other therapies are rooted in theory (e.g., attachment, psychodynamic, or systems models), but Gottman is *empirical first*.
Highly Practical and Structured- Gottman therapy gives couples specific tools and exercises like: - The “Soft Start-Up for conflict - “Dreams Within Conflict” to explore deeper meaning - The Sound Relationship House, a core model of what builds lasting intimacy- These are repeatable and teachable, ideal for homework and self-led practice. Compared to more open-ended or insight-based therapies, Gottman’s method is skills-oriented. ❤️
Ketamine Assisted Couple therapy
How does ketamine support couple therapy?
Ketamine is a legal psychedelic in the United States and is emerging as a promising therapeutic medicine.
Ketamine’s precise mechanisms are still being explored, but theories suggest it increases glutamine, which enhances neuroplasticity, altering brain connectivity (Aleksandrova & Phillips, 2021) to promote more flexible thinking, greater perspective taking, empathy, openness to experience, and reduced avoidance. These cognitive, emotional, and behavioral shifts are important for moving through relationship pain, creating new patterns of thought, behavior, and experience; and building healthy connections.
Contrary to popular belief, the enduring benefits of Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy mostly do not occur during the acute psychedelic or psycholitic experience, but rather in the preparation and integration as part of psychotherapy. If you are open to it, we can discuss your goals and whether KAP can help your relationship.